I have been compiling a job description for the role of ‘mother’, as follows:
Nanny – must be 100% flexible in every way, caring, instil discipline, have the patience of a saint, have amazing organisational skills and the ability to multi task is essential. Must have a strong stomach.
Teacher – must be able to help with homework, be inspirational, have great ideas for new activities most days, be able to set a good example 100% of the time. Must know everything and always have a good answer ready.
Cook – must have the ability to cook at least 3 different meals at the same time. Must have some knowledge of nutrition and the ability to adapt meals to encourage children to eat it. Must be able to teach children cooking.
Shopper – must have excellent organisational skills, be able to think ahead for the whole family and never get it wrong. The ability to buy only what is on the shopping list, not what the children try to persuade you to buy.
Cleaner – a knowledge of how to remove every form of dirt is essential. Must be physically fit. Must have innovative ideas for great storage solutions.
Housemaid – must be always on hand to deal with all the needs of everyone in the house 24/7. Multitasking is essential. Must be good at laundry and ironing. Must have good knowledge of stain removal.
Nurse – must be caring, a good listener, have first aid knowledge and have excellent ‘rubbing it better’ skills.
Counsellor – essential to have good listening skills, the ability to turn the other cheek at times, be good at family and group counselling.
Negotiator – must have excellent negotiation skills, as well as excellent basic language knowledge.
Referee – must have the ability to intervene in fights when necessary, and always know who had what toy first, as well as excellent skills at diverting issues before they start.
Friend – must have the ability to loose inhibitions and play and be silly, sing silly songs and dress up.
Taxi driver – driving licence is essential and the ability to be in at least 3 different places at once.
Hairdresser – must be able to style hair and restyle hair at least 5 times a day (when children pull hairclips and hair bands out).
Events coordinator – excellent organisational skills are essential. Must be creative, have very good budgeting skills and great ideas. Must be able to bake novelty party cakes, sometimes 3 at once.
Hours : 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Annual leave : nil
Salary : £0
Who in their right mind would apply for this job??
I believe this job is far from unchallenging and boring, every day brings a new challenge and new excitement. It is hard work, with no financial rewards, yet millions of us become mums every day and absolutely love it! We would not change a thing!!…….
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