What not to say to a mother of twins

What not to say to a mother of twins….

picture of newborn identical twin girls

From the moment you become pregnant with twins, strangers seem to feel the need to comment on your life, sometimes, very personal stuff. Even before you give birth, everyone is commenting on how big you are, thanks for that, that’s kind of you to say I am very large!!

I have pulled together a list of things not to say to a mother of twins and some responses I have heard said…

You’ve got your hands full

  • Yes, thanks, they are quite full, do you want to help?
  • No, not really, I love juggling children
  • Thanks for your input, I wasn’t aware of that

Double trouble

  • Double the love!
  • Double the smiles!
  • Double the mess!
  • Double the hugs!
  • Double the pleasure!

Buy one get one free, or 2 for the price of 1

  • No, the second one is certainly not free. Have you ever tried squeezing 2 children in 1 car seat or feeding 2 children only 1 meal?
  • My twins were not a supermarket BOGOF deal

Were they IVF?

  • That’s a very personal question – how did you conceive your kids?

Do twins run in your family?

  • Identical twins do not run in families, they are just one-off happenings of nature (having said that, my brother also now has identical twin boys, but I assure you, that is just a statistical anomaly)

Are they identical?

  • Does that make a difference?
  • One is a boy dressed in blue and one is a girl dressed in pink! THEY CANNOT HAVE THE SAME DNA!!
  • I used to have virtual arguments with strangers over this question, as I was told my twins were non identical and to me they look different. Then at 18 months old they were tested and actually, they are identical! Sorry to all those people I argued with! (Oops!)

I don’t know how you do it?

  • Because I have to, I have no choice! (Not that I would change it anyway)
  • I can’t today, I’m just going to leave one here

I’ve always wanted twins

  • Well, that’s nice?!

Are they twins?

  • No, they are triplets, I left the 3rd at home!

I have 2 close in age, I understand what it’s like

  • No you don’t. I also have a toddler close in age, I know what it’s like to have different ages too, and believe me it’s nothing like having twins!

This is a list I have compiled through my own experience and many conversations with other twin mummy’s and their responses, not all said by me.

Some twin mummy’s get very annoyed at the response and attraction from strangers. It can be very irritating to get asked the same questions 10 times a day, especially when you are trying to get somewhere, or do something and you keep getting stopped in the street. However, I have never really minded it so much, as I think people are just interested.

I love having twins.

Yes, my hands are full.

Yes, they are double the pleasure.

Yes, they are identical!







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33 Responses to What not to say to a mother of twins

  1. how funny! I supose people get awkward and say the first thing that comes into there head! Oh i bet thats going to be hard work is always a fav and I get that and I dont have twins!!

  2. Claire says:

    I have made a mental note not to say any of these things :) Found you on Super Busy Mum Blog Hop

  3. harassedmom says:

    HA! I have said ALL of these things to twin moms before – I am sorry :)

    • karen bell says:

      It’s fine. I don’t have a big problem with it, but I know some people do. We are all used to it :) I think it is funny.

  4. AK says:

    found you through bloghop and although i am only a mum 2 1 nearly 3year old boy i use to nanny for twin girls (non identical lol) from 6month to 3.5yrs old and oh boy do i remember those questions!!

  5. Terri says:

    I love this post, too funny!

    I had the exact same attitude over similar questions/statements about my single babies. Some people are just so thoughtless/rude (and I suppose on my part, lack of sleep didn’t help!)

    I found you through Super Busy Mum’s blog hop and look forward to reading more.

    Terri xx

  6. found you on the mid week blog hop. I have to say this post made me chuckle!!! x

  7. Orli D says:

    Can’t say that I know what it’s like to have twins, as mine aren’t even close in age :) but I have a red-head child and a special needs child, so I do get the whole strangers and strange sayings.
    You made me smile :)

  8. Kara says:

    I don’t know what it is like to have twins, but still get annoyed with stupid comments…….normally about having a larger than average family. Children are hard work – FACT! It is also the most rewarding job in the world!

  9. Apologies for this question but, identical twins DON’T run so non-id DO? I only ask because my partner is a non-id twin and they have heard every twin joke under the sun. “If one of you gets hurt, does the other one feel it?” and I get “Do you ever get confused and go to kiss the wrong one?” Umm, no I know the difference!

    Mum of a Premature Baby ||

    • karen bell says:

      Non identical twins can run in the family, but probably more from the maternal line, rather than paternal, as its all about the woman releasing more than one egg at a time.
      Hope that helps :)

  10. Haha, this was a fantastic read. Thanks for linking up to this weeks Mad Mid-Week Blog Hop! xx

  11. Pinkoddy says:

    This post is very funny – but I can imagine it being very annoying. Some of it is true for just having 4 kids,and 2 close in age, although I know it’s not the same. Have shared on my facebook page

  12. My sympathies – we have similar comments when we are out with our 7 children. Along with “don’t you have a tv?” haha.

  13. Brinabird says:

    Oh dear I have said many times to many parents I don’t know how you do it? not just to mother’s of twins just to anyone who decides to have a second :o I am getting to the point of being rather broody and wanting number two so seriously how do you do it?
    I can imagine the annoyance at the constant questioning indeed.

    • karen bell says:

      Aww! Broody is not good! It’s not as hard as you think, you just get on with it, you have no choice. You would cope with whatever situation you have. Now it gets easier as they play together, taking the pressure off me.

  14. jbmumofone says:

    So funny, though I imagine can be very frustrating at times! Thanks so much for sharing with the pin it party. It gave me a good giggle this morning. Have pinned :)

  15. Emma says:

    Awww lovely post. I’ve got three little ones and get similar comments!

  16. Otilia says:

    I loved reading your post. And yes i know people say lots of things but is better not to take them at heart. I think i might be guilty of a few too…but i love your answer to the question “are they twins?” LOL
    Found your post via the #pinitparty and pinned your post

  17. I think I might be guilty of a few of those, so I apologise! Although how random to ask if you have triplets…seriously, do people not think before they speak!?!

    Hopping over from Parenting PIN-IT Party :)

  18. judithkingston says:

    I’ve been thinking, while reading this, about what you *could* say if you wanted to be nice and chat. Perhaps it’s best not to say antyhing esp if the mum is in a hurry, but otherwise maybe you could opt for: “Your children are adorable”?

  19. Expat Mammy says:

    Great post, unfortunately I think I’ve said a few of those things ;-(

    Visiting from pin it party pinterest ID expatmammy

  20. Dawn Frazier says:

    I have an 8 year old and identical 5 (nearly 6) year old twin girls. I can honestly relate to all of the above. As my girls are identical and do look the same, it never ceases to amaze me how people can ask “are they identical?”. I always feel like saying “no, one of them is 10 and the other is 3″ but I do resist! I also know what you mean about people who say their children are close in age so they know what it’s like. They really don’t have a clue.

    • karen bell says:

      Yes, it is very tempting to be sarcastic to some of the comments, but I never have either, I just know some people who do :)

  21. Funny and so true. And I know as I’m the mother of twins too – a boy and a girl. Just had a woman today walk up to me – while I was in the midst of paying at a checkout and trying to keep my two under control – and ask me if they were twins. Then ask me if they were identical.twins. I’m sure the next question would have been the usual ‘do they run in the family?’ but I quickly made an excuse to run off..
    My answer when anyone says ‘double trouble’ is ‘double joy.’

    • karen bell says:

      Lol! People never think about it when they ask “are they identical?” To boy /girl twins.

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