Tag Archives: individuality

Twin birthday individuality

twin birthday cakesChildren’s birthdays are about celebrating the special day they were born. Birthdays are very exciting for kids, the presents, the party, the cake, they get to be the centre of attention for the day (or more sometimes). It is something I look forward to for my children and my children talk about for months before hand. I like to make their day special and exciting.

Most children have the luxury of having their own birthday. However, most twins, do not have that birthday individuality that singletons get. I have been trying to think about how to make twins birthdays individual.

Here are some suggestions for promoting twin birthday individuality

  • Maybe celebrate each twins birthday on separate days, so they get their own individual attention.
  • Make a birthday cake for each child
  • Sing happy birthday twice – once for each child
  • Ensure presents are individual
  • Take photos of each child separately (seems obvious, but it can easily get forgotten, I know, I do it myself)
  • Help – see if family, grandparents etc could help for the day, so you get to spend individual time with each twin

It may not seem much, but to children, it could mean a lot, make them feel individually special.

Birthday parties can be tricky though, you don’t really want to have two parties and twins often share the same friends anyway. I don’t think it is a big issue to have a joint party, as you will often find children and their friends having joint ones anyway. However, I am aware, this may change as they get older.

When I asked one of my twins this morning who she wanted to invite to her party, she said her sister and brother! To me that speaks volumes! They want each other to be there to celebrate together. I felt quite moved when she told me that. I love the bond twins have, I just hope it continues.

All children’s birthdays are special, twins and singletons, the most important thing is to have fun and enjoy the day.

 

 

 

 

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Christmas shopping for twins

twin girls at christmasHaving twins is great. There are so many joys to be had from twins, I cannot begin to tell how wonderful it is (yes, despite having my hands full). However, one difficulty that has come to my attention, is shopping for twins.

My children are all very good at sharing, as they have always had to share everything. But, thinking about it the other way….they don’t actually have anything that is their own, so they have no concept of real individual ownership. I find this a little sad, but I really can’t think of a way round it. My older son does have things of his own as he has his own room. However, my twins are both girls and share a bedroom, so they have no space of their own and they tend to like the same toys etc.

Last weekend, I was christmas shopping and both my girls want a new doll for christmas. I found a doll suitable and they had one in blue and one in pink. Great I thought, they could own a different doll each! Then, I got thinking…..actually, I know they are both going to want the pink one and it would be unfair to knowingly give one girl a blue doll while her sister gets the pink one that they both want. Argh! It took me a long time in the shop to decide what to do. Eventually, I gave in and got 2 pink dolls.

I am so desperate to create individuality for my twins, but it feels like a loosing battle. Maybe I should just relax about it and hope that as they get older, there will be more opportunity for them to develop their individuality. There is nothing wrong with them having the same things as each other or with them sharing, it is quite healthy. However, it would be nice if they could experience having their own space and their own few items that is just theirs and no one else’s.

What do you do? Do your children share everything or do they have some of their own things, no one else can touch unless permission given?

I would love to know your thoughts. Would you buy twins the same or different?

Posted in Twins | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments

Twin individuality

Picture of identical twin girl toddlers hugging each otherTwins are individuals, not clones.

From the moment twins are born, twins are often clumped together and spoken about as one person. They are compared to each other with terms like ”this one” and “that one” being used. This, I have discovered from personal experience, so I wanted to write this post to promote awareness of the individuality of twins.

There is no getting around the fact, that twins are amazing. It is so wonderful to be able to watch two of your children grow, develop and reach milestones together, side by side. Watching twins interact, play and learn shoulder to shoulder is absolutely magical!

However, I believe it is important to remember, twins are individuals too. Twins start life together, some from the same egg, some from two completely separate eggs, they grow side by side in the womb. They share a birthday (although, my twins don’t even share their birthday).

Identical twins may have very similar looks eg, same sex, same eye and hair colour, etc, but they also have many differing features. My twins have different face shapes, different birth marks, different moles, as well as different medical conditions (which I find amazing). Whether they are identical or not, the same sex or not, they were born together, but need to live individually.

All children need to be given the chance to develop their own personalities, likes, dislikes and interests. Twins are no different. They are not a duplicate copy of each other, they have completely different personalities.

I believe it is essential that we assist twins in exploring their individuality and allow them to discover their own personality, beliefs and identity. Here is a list of ways to help twins become individuals:

Suggestions for ways to promote individuality in twins

  1. Try not to use phrases like “this one” and “that one”
  2. Refer to each child by name
  3. Try not to call them ‘the twins’
  4. Talk to each child separately
  5. Try to give individual attention whenever possible
  6. Read to each child separately
  7. Try to allow each child to have their own clothes
  8. Each child should have some of their own toys
  9. Take photos of each child individually too
  10. Try to take each child out individually if possible (if only to the shop?)

Picture of twin girls

That was a list of ways to help promote individuality in twins. However, I am very aware of how difficult it can be sometimes to follow all 10 points. Personally, I need to improve and work on some of these. It is extremely rare that my children, especially ‘the twins’, get taken out individually. I wish I could do it more, but it is very difficult when you have 3 or more children and only two parents. I also must confess, I read to them together, rather than separately. None of us are perfect, but I try at least to think of them as two individual children with different personalities and needs.

Twins are 2 separate children, with 2 different personalities that should not be compared to each other. Twins are not a freak show (even when having a double tantrum in the supermarket, at double the volume)! They are 2 ordinary children living their lives, developing and learning about themselves and their world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in parenting, Twins | Tagged , , | 19 Comments